im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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