Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
