false alarm. still invincible.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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