I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
