How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
