so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
