dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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