I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
