WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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