i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo