apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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