Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?