At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
