she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
