just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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