Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
