Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
