yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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