dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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