omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need water and some morals
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
