that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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