omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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