Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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