do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
