So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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