I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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