he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
