Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
