M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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