my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
