I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
