i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
