Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
