i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
