What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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