He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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