the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
