There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
