today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
