Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
