i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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