I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
