So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
