Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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