I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
