Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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