As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
