goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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