My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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