Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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