does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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