he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
