Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize