k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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