I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize