Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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