please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP