a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..