i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.