I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
