It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
reminds me of losing my job
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.