I am in a vortex of obligation.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?