sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
