I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
