Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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