Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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