What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
