no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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