i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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