dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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