Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
