yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
