For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
