What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
